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How to create that condition You go first. Always. Every time. When the direct conversation happens you lead with your own honest accounting before asking for hers. Not as a strategy to get her to reciprocate. As a genuine act of vulnerability that models what you're asking for. Something like this after the initial ask for a try has landed. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do differently. The initiating, the consistency, showing up without being asked. I understand now why