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FINAL UPDATE: I thought the worst was over when the iguana landed on my shoe. I was wrong. We get to the reception, and I’m trying to act normal—new wife next to me, guests whispering, shoes changed—when suddenly someone yells, “IT’S OUT AGAIN!” I turn around just in time to see Mr. Scales sprintin…

FINAL UPDATE: I thought the worst was over when the iguana landed on my shoe. I was wrong. We get to the reception, and I’m trying to act normal—new wife next to me, guests whispering, shoes changed—when suddenly someone yells, “IT’S OUT AGAIN!” I turn around just in time to see Mr. Scales sprinting across the floor like he owns the venue. Straight toward the cake. Before anyone can react, he launches himself onto it. The whole thing collapses. Frosting everywhere. Guests screaming. Phones out.