Pāhonoa te oro

How to create that condition You go first. Always. Every time. When the direct conversation happens you lead with your own honest accounting before asking for hers. Not as a strategy to get her to reciprocate. As a genuine act of vulnerability that models what you're asking for. Something like this after the initial ask for a try has landed. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do differently. The initiating, the consistency, showing up without being asked. I understand now why