Pāhonoa te oro

Good morning, this is Chuck Garabedian from the department of Governmental efficiency. We’ve recently received some reports of wasteful spending in your branch relating to balloons, paint, and other frivolous items. As you know, a violation of this kind is now a fireable offense with full loss of pension under executive order 77108, so I’ll need to ask you some questions as part of my investigation.[calm]